author of Never Enough: When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic–and What We Can Do About It

Jennie sent out this newsletter on March 11, 2025. It reflects my belief that what matters most about college is what you do when you’re there, not the level of selectivity or “rank” of the school. The rest of this blog reproduces Jennifer B. Wallace’s March 11 newsletter in full. Highlights mine.

If you’re in the thick of the college admissions process with your teen, it probably feels like every decision carries enormous weight. The pressure can be overwhelming—not just for them, but for you, too. It’s easy to believe that a “good” life depends on getting into a “good” college.

But here’s the truth: plenty of graduates from prestigious schools struggle to build fulfilling lives, while plenty of students from lesser-known schools go on to thrive in ways they never imagined.

My late best friend, Katie, was one of them.

Katie was one of the most successful people I have ever known—and I don’t just mean financially or in her career, though she was a star producer at CBS 60 Minutes. She was successful because she had a loving marriage, was a wonderful mother to two amazing children, and had a circle of deep, strong friendships.  Katie had an incredible attitude toward life; she radiated joy, kindness, and resilience.

And here’s the thing: Katie didn’t go to an Ivy League school or a university that tops national rankings. She attended a small liberal arts college in Ohio—one that never appears on those “best of” lists. But that didn’t matter. What made Katie’s life so rich wasn’t the name on her diploma but the experiences she had, the people she surrounded herself with, and how she embraced every opportunity.

Her story is a powerful reminder that success isn’t determined by a college’s prestige. The idea that only a handful of schools lead to a fulfilling life—and that all others are somehow second-rate—is simply not true. Our kids need to know this, too.

Research backs this up. A Pew Research study found no significant difference in financial stability, job satisfaction, or overall well-being between graduates of elite private schools and large public universities. A Gallup-Purdue study of 30,000 graduates found that a school’s prestige had almost no impact on long-term happiness or work satisfaction. What mattered was how students engaged with their college experience.

The study identified six key factors that doubled a graduate’s chances of being engaged in their career and fulfilled in their personal life:

• Taking a course with a professor who made learning exciting;
• Developing a strong relationship with a mentor;
• Completing a meaningful multi-semester project;
• Participating in an internship related to their field;
• Being active in extracurricular activities;
• Feeling connected to their campus community

The push for elite college admissions often comes from a well-meaning but misguided desire for certainty. It feels reassuring to believe that a top-ranked school will guarantee a successful future. But reality tells a different story—one that is, in many ways, more hopeful.

I spoke with Dr. Kenneth Ginsburg, author of Lighthouse Parenting, about shifting kids’ mindsets around college admissions. He emphasized that parents must shift their own first. “If we treat the process as life-defining, we won’t stay calm—and our anxiety will transfer to our kids.”

He urges parents to reframe the conversation. Instead of asking, What’s the best school I can get into? encourage teens to ask: Where will professors invest in me? Which campus culture will challenge and support me? What opportunities will help me grow and gain real-world experience?

Instead of chasing prestige, focus on what fosters personal, academic, and professional growth. Because in the end, success isn’t about where they go—it’s about what they do and who they become once they get there.